Saturday, December 22, 2007

FYI, the sky is falling and/or we are falling from the sky

The first word Charles Bukowski's daughter Marina knew how to read was "liquor". Does this surprise you? No? Me neither. Several months back I asked my mom what my first word was, and she had no idea. I couldn't find any evidence in baby books to fill in the missing clues of my childhood either. This probably doesn't seem like a very big deal to most people, but as someone who bases her entire days/career/life on words, it means a lot. It upset me when I found out she didn't remember. I think I may have even cried a little, as though I'd just lost something precious and irreplaceable. I had fantasies that my first word would lead me to deep dark secrets about myself/my future/my past. But there's a glitch in the system, it turns out. And that glitch is that my mom doesn't give a damn about that kind of stuff. It reminds me of this remarkable poem by my (perhaps) favorite poet ever, Ben Lerner, pardon me while I exploit his words.:

"a program that replicates itself and destroys stored information; a worm unleashed on the canon; writing as vermiculation; the early bird is infested; after a storm, earthworms steam on the pavement; then burrow into the pavement; and destroy stored information; I double-dared Max to put one in his mouth; it burrowed into his heart; and destroyed stored information; a microscopic hairlike process

extending from the canvas; the rhythmic motion of said process; a neogenetic canvas; the worm is mimetic of the intestine it inhabits, therein its genius; a cog which resembles the machine it will destroy; a silverfish; a bookworm; a critic

FYI, debris is falling from the sky, becoming data; FYI, the sky is falling and/or we are falling from the sky"

I was taken on a horse drawn carriage ride through Central Park earlier today, and I'd never been before. I must say as a recommendation, it's one of the most lovely and romantic things you could do in NYC. If you haven't been, please don't wait 22 years like me.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

All the world is green

Check out my poemlette published in the December issue of elimae. I'm so proud and happy that they've adopted it, they have some really great stuff, they do.

I'm very excited about all the wintery things I'll get to do in the upcoming weeks. I'm especially looking forward to my upcoming Christmas dinner party, which will give me an excuse to indulge in all my girliness and cook up a fabulous French feast for all my lovely friends.

I finally paid off my mac bill yesterday so I now own it 100%. And today a piece off the front of it broke off. Lame!

On my Christmas wishlist this year I'd prefer my family/friends to give me experiences with them rather than material objects. Because in ten years that's probably what will stay in my heart.

All afternoon I've been listening to "All The World is Green" by Tom Waits. Fall into the ocean and listen with me.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Pretend Oceans, Real Fish

*EDIT*

I had to snip out the poem that was here previously. Don't be afraid my little poem, you're going off to a better place, with a big country yard and fresh nibbles in the morning-time.


***


I had a lucid dream (nightmare) the other night. I started experiencing these a few years ago during a tumultuous period in my life, but haven't had one in a long long time. In case you don't know exactly what those are let me tell you:

"A lucid dream is a dream in which the person is aware that he or she is dreaming while the dream is in progress. During lucid dreams, it is possible to exert conscious control over the dream characters and environment, as well as to perform otherwise physically impossible feats. Lucid dreams are known to be extremely real and vivid."

There are two different kinds and the kind that I experience are the: "wake-initiated lucid dreams (WILD) which occur when the dreamer goes from a normal waking state directly into a dream state with no apparent lapse in consciousness."*

When they first started I'd get really scared afterwards because I didn't think I'd been sleeping but rather that I'd gone into some weird paralyzed/hallucinatory state while awake. In the past when I woke up from one I'd reach for my cell phone and call someone. The other night I did just that: I reached for the phone, but then realized I had no one to call. Bah.**

In a moment of clarity I realized that last Sunday I had text messaged my friend Lisa***, asking her if she'd like to come join my friends and I for a drink.

*Smartiness stolen from here.
**Humbug.
***Unfortunately for me this didn't turn out to be my friend Lisa, but my boss Lisa. And now I feel like a weirdo.